In My Dreams
by Miss Rhapsody
Summary: [Oneshot] I went to my room and locked myself in. All those feelings that I had spent so much time suppressing had now come back.


Title: In My Dreams  
  
Author: Rhapsody  
  
Summary: I went to my room and locked myself in. All those feelings that I had spent so much time suppressing had now come back. Percy/Oliver  
  
Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Sleep is the only way I can escape. My dreams are my only way to seek solace from the day. As long as the sun remains up I am not safe from my feelings. But when the moon comes out I am safe, because I am alone. No one can find out my secret when I am alone.  
  
I have tried to hide from my feelings many times. I have tried to hide in my work. I studied hard and I became a prefect. All of the responsibilities helped me to hide from myself and everyone else. I spend all of my time in my studies. I drove myself crazy, working constantly.  
  
Eventually it stopped working though, I could not keep hiding. My feelings would haunt me whenever he was near. So I distanced myself from him. I continued to work myself as hard as I could. I would work in the library or in empty classrooms. I wouldn't mingle in the common room, for fear I'd see him.  
  
Once the quidditch season began I didn't need to worry about avoiding him during the evenings and days off. But I still had classes to mind about. Being a Gryffindor too, he was in all of my classes. I couldn't keep my mind off him and my grades began to slip.  
  
I decided to set my mind on something else, becoming Head Boy. I started sitting in the front in all of my classes, hoping he would sit in back, where we used to always sit together. Even when he did come to sit by me I would bury myself in my studies and ignore him.  
  
Pretty soon even this stopped working and I had to find another way to hide. A decided I needed a girlfriend to occupy myself and Penelope willingly obliged. I think she has known all along that my feelings for her were counterfeit, but it never seemed to bother her.  
  
She met me in empty classrooms and smothered me in kisses. My heart pangs with guilt knowing that I returned those kisses for entertainment, not out of love. I know that she would understand it all if I explained it to her, that is why I chose her after all.  
  
She was always very faithful, like a woman out of myth. She stood by me always and helped my hide my true feelings. I owe her more than I could ever offer for helping me. But somehow I feel that she wasn't really helping me in anything more than hurting myself further.  
  
I started going to quidditch games again, once I had her to occupy me. I couldn't help but look at him, but I covered up my fascination by making bets with Penelope. I trotted her around like a prize pony, anything to avoid my feelings.  
  
Eventually she and I broke up. Then I had a new struggle to go through, hiding from new and stronger feelings. Luckily the end of my final year was near and I quickly packed my things after the feast that celebrated Gryffindor winning the House Cup. I avoided him during the celebration and on the train ride home.  
  
I didn't answer any of the owls he sent me. I started to bury myself in my work again. I applied for a job at the ministry and I got a job working for an asshole executive type. I guess I spend all of my energy ass-kissing and I forgot about him.  
  
Then one day I got an owl at work. I didn't know who it was from and I opened it to find a wonderful letter from Penelope. The letter at first glance seemed unimportant. It was a load about how she was doing and her new job.  
  
The second page interested me. She talked of how she had moved in with Oliver. She had made me promise on the last day at Hogwarts that I would visit her as soon as she got a place to live. She was living on a flat with him in London, and I was obligated to visit.  
  
I ass-kissed some more at work and I managed to get 2 weeks off to visit them and go to the Quidditch World Cup. All the feeling I had had for him had died as soon as I had started work at the Ministry. I wasn't concerned when I went to go visit them, a week before the Quidditch World Cup.  
  
I apparated to their small, but cozy flat in the evening. Penelope answered the door. I'm glad she did because if it had been him, I think I would have run away. He was in the kitchen making dinner when I arrived. Penelope and I talked for a while about our jobs and such.  
  
When dinner was ready, we went into the kitchen to eat. I was stunned when I saw him. It was like I had been hit in the stomach with a stunning spell. All the feelings that I had been suppressing over the years came flooding back.  
  
The visit was both wonderful and horrible. I had to watch every move I made. I had to make sure to avoid him during certain times. I went back to the old routine of entertaining myself with Penelope, as I had when we were back in school.  
  
I stayed in her room, for the week that I boarded with them. She seemed to notice that I had slid back into my routine of suppression. She never asked me about it though. She was everything I could have ever asked for. She kept me busy during the week and it was all in all entertaining.  
  
I returned home after 6 days. I went to my room and locked myself in. I was overwhelmed. All those feelings that I had spent so much time suppressing had now come back. It was my duty to make them go away again.  
  
During the day I dwell on them. I can't make them stop haunting me. Night is the only time I can escape. Because in my dreams he doesn't exist. In my dreams my feelings can't get me. 


End file.
